Tax Dollars to Study Prostitutes

The United States government has decided to study prostitutes. Yes, the federal government has determined that during this time of economic crisis, home foreclosure and job loss, the best use of your money is to research the drinking habits of prostitutes. However, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) is not content to study local harlots, they desire something more exotic. These dedicated scientists have decided they must spend over two million dollars of your money to study Chinese prostitutes. Yes, I mean the ones in China. The purpose of the study is to learn how to teach the women to drink responsibly on the job. (I wish I was making this up, I really do.)

Using your tax dollars these faithful public servants will visit over 100 Chinese brothels and get to know over 700 prostitutes and 150 pimps and madams over the five year period of the study. All of this will be done solely for the advancement of science, we are told. Perhaps when they’re done with this penetrating study of whores they can transfer to the NIH study of Argentinean bars. (No, I’m not making that one up either.) The purpose of that study is to determine why gay men engage in risky behaviors while drunk. After hours of ruminating I think I have the answer. They engage in risky behaviors because they are drunk. (Maybe I should get a job as a consultant on the study.)

To be fair, the NIH spending orgy (and there has never been a more appropriate use of the term) started under the Bush Administration, but it has continued under the current president. President Obama has called upon Americans to make sacrifices for the economic recovery of the nation. Are these “studies” what the federal government terms “necessary spending?” I think not.

Scientists for the NIH have become rogues, lurking in bars and brothels across the globe. Uncle Sam needs to cut their allowance and bring them home.